There he was, standing on the median right at the stoplight, holding his sign. He was presumably homeless, obviously cold. I didn't even read his sign because I was too afraid to look like I was trying to make eye contact. So I waited for the light to turn green, and he waited not 5 feet from my car.
Situations like that always frustrate and usually embarass me. Maybe it's from living in the city all my life and getting used to that sight, getting used to people telling stories about how these people are scammers, that they're just trying to get a buck to spend on drugs or booze, and they're not to be trusted or believed. But there's always the thought that it's 30 some degrees out today, some strong need has brought this man to do this. If he didn't need the money for something pretty serious, why would he put forth the effort to do all that? I would think it's humiliating, looking like that and asking for charity, knowing that most people think you're some no good drunk that just needs to clean up and get a job and stop feeding off the rest of us.
The definite way to have compassion and still be wise is to offer to buy the guy a burger or something like that. Not easy to do in a car while racing back to work after lunch, not really wise to do as an unaccompanied woman. My husband would be pretty pissed at me if I came home with a story like that. But really, I saw him on my way home. If I was thinking about it, I could have made him a PBJ or two, figuring that he'd be there on my way back.
The easy way to assuage your conscience is to give the guy some cash and get on with life and not worry or care about what it's spent on. I don't usually keep cash on hand, which is my failsafe - I can't give what I don't have. But I've also lied before because the rare times that I have cash it's such a little treasure to me, to be spent on an unecessary treat that I don't have to feel guilty about because I don't record it in my check register. And that's just selfish.
I can usually smooth things over internally by thinking that I have to use wisdom, and interacting with a stranger when I'm all alone is generally not a smart thing to do. But just recently I wrote down a verse in my journal that poked at my brain like a dagger today. Matt. 23:23b, " [Y]ou are careful to tithe even the tiniest part of your income, but you ignore the important things of the law - justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but you should not leave undone the more important things." Jesus was talking to the Pharisees, who were mostly portrayed as being hypocritical in the gospels. I plan on taking a tithe check to church tonight, But I may have missed an opportunity to show mercy today, to have faith in a stranger who tells me he needs my help. To in some small way help right the wrong of someone who may have fallen on hard times and just needs a hand up.
I should really know better that it's not always the action that is important, but the attitude behind it. If I put money in his hand and he spends it unwisely, is it my fault for giving it to him if I'm being obedient to God's Spirit within me? If I don't put money in his hand under the guise of "wisdom", is it my fault if he goes hungry tonight because I'm selfish and hard hearted?