ego trip

a friend of mine gave me a really nice compliment yesterday. Actually a couple of them. They could be considered among the nicest compliments I've ever received from a friend. I was very flattered and quite humbled, realizing that these things in me that my friend saw were nothing I was trying to portray, but in many cases merely God working through me to touch her life. It made me quite happy to think that I could be used like that in another person's life. I thought to myself how amazing it is that we are often so much more than we think we are, that we will shortchange ourselves in certain areas because we can't imagine that we could possibly do some things, and it takes other people on the outside looking in to point out those things in our lives that are really good.

A little later yesterday found me in praise and worship at Axis, thinking about the songs we were singing. It's been awhile since I've really paid much attention during praise and worship. I sing along, I really like the songs, but my mind tends to wander. During one song, it began to wander about how much I love being a friend to people, that I can offer myself to share with them, maybe they can learn from some experiences that I've had, maybe I can learn from them, or we sometimes will muddle through together. I wandered into thinking that I know so many girls who are just starting to date, or maybe are engaged or newly married and the imagined that I had so much wisdom to share with them, it was almost an obligation!

Then I caught myself, almost at the exact opposite place than where I had been not 1 hour before - so full of myself and my own wisdom that it almost made me sick. There is nothing that has translated from experience to wisdom that hasn't come from God. And goodness knows there is plenty more experience that just hasn't quite been processed into life wisdom yet, things that I can still learn from others. It made me think of a Rich Mullins song, one I like to particularly remind myself of when I start thinking this way. The chorus of the song is:

"we are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made,
forged from the fires of human passion, choking on the fumes of selfish rage
and with these our hells and our heavens so few inches apart
we must be awfully small and not as strong as we think we are"

I like reminding myself not to get too big for my britches. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I think we should be appreciated for who we are and what we do, but not so much to let our egos run away with us. I still appreciate that my friend gave me those kind words, I probably would have found myself in the same position later had I heard them or not. I was simply amused at how two opposite feelings and reactions could be residing in me at the same time, but I guess that's just human nature, after all.