how is it that i can spend all weekend at a church retreat, thinking about God, talking about God, hearing God's word and still have issues the very next day? I even listened to the nifty CD they gave out with people reading lots and lots of scripture, almost 80 minutes of it, last night and then this morning on the way to work. But I'm still crabby, the day is still dragging, I can't seem to find something worth focusing on because it's all crap.
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind, the Bible says. Am I not doing it right? I know to count it all joy when I fall into trials, because testing my faith produces endurance, and endurance produces perseverence, I guess I've never really tried to figure out how that works. I'm supposed to be joyful today? how's that again?
I think that I have to decide what reality I choose to believe - my reality that says that everything's crap today, maybe I should just go to bed and hope for better tomorrow (I was even contemplating leaving work because I feel pretty useless here today) or choose to believe in God's reality that I can't see, the one where he's working all things for my good, and building up my spirit to be strong and patient and able to endure when trials and difficult times come my way.
Nothing feels right today, not a single thing. But I guess that's when I get to walk by faith, hoping in something I can't see, not even a little bit.
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