maybe it's time

i went to celebrate recovery last night for the first time in a loooong time. it was pretty nice. I had it all figured out what I would share in our group about how I'd been doing lately, blah blah blah. What actually happened was that I ended up blabbing on for 10 minutes (we each had that amount of time, there weren't too many people there last night) about everything I'm not quite sure about these days, successes, failures, frustrations. And it dawned on me - I don't often give myself any time to sit and think these things over. I don't reflect on my behaviors, my feelings, actions, thoughts, etc, except for just very briefly before I take off to do something else.
I admitted that I don't think that I really put as much effort into the step study that I did last year as I could have, I did a lot of it only half way. That makes me wonder if I should do something like that again, but another 10 months of Saturday morning meetings just makes me cringe. And at this point I know I'm trying to make my life less busy - I still tend to organize myself poorly enough to always feel like I'm running around everywhere, doing things at the last minute. If I can't put all my effort into it, maybe now isn't the right time.
But I might start going to CR a little more often. I think it's a nice reminder of what I have learned so far, and if nothing else, maybe it'll give me a chance once a week to sit down and think about everything that I'm ignoring during the rest of the week.