i've come a long way from being the shy wallflower i was when i was a kid, especially since jr. high/high school. But I still seem to be very afraid of strangers, or even mere aquaintances. I absolutely love meeting other people and making friends, but I HATE taking the first step. It takes so much effort for me to walk up to someone and try starting a conversation from scratch. I have heard that because of this I come off as aloof or intimidating, but really, it's paralyzing shyness.
I really really want to do things like meet new people at the Rock, and I did ok for awhile, but now, I haven't met anyone new that hasn't been introduced to me in months, maybe longer. I even have issues coming up to the college kids and other people that I spent a week with in New Orleans, how sad is that?!? They're so tight together I feel like I can't possibly join in and fit. It's insane to think that years of leading small groups at the Rock, of pushing others to get involved and meet new people, and this is where I am.
Is it a personality defect? Is it that I'm really just more introverted than I realize and that's just how it is? I keep feeling God tugging at my heart to meet new people and to take the risks, but I just get so nervous about coming across as dumb, and having nothing to say, and then just staring at each other or the walls or something, and then it's ruined and I kick myself for the rest of the night.
bleaugh.
4 comments:
I like you a LOT, Ann! And if College kids like me, they'll definitely like you!
Maren
at least I think they like me....
maren
thanks Maren...=)I definitely feel comfortable around some of them (like Rachel) but I feel like I have to contrive a reason to hang out with them in general, like I'm the dorky big sister that has nothing better to do...it's dumb, I know...
I feel the same way Ann - I hate meeting new people and it's not something I feel very natural about. But, I don't know - maybe I don't care and am too much like a bull in a china shop. I'm not sure how I got adopted in by the college kids, but they're kind of fun. I was looking at a picture from the TC marathon last year and thinking of the Christmas party where I remember meeting some of them for the first time and now I spend more time with them collectively than almost anyone.
Sorry - long tangent. I just wanted to say - I empathize. I have a hard time meeting people at the Rock, but I just do it anyway.
I like you a lot, Ann. If I may quote your husband from this morning, "I know. Everyone loves my wife." It's so true.
Post a Comment