I think we've had maybe 3 conversations total, but they've all been amusing or at least cordial, and I think Ben is a great guy, so I'd like to think that we behave friendly toward each other.
We met while in New Orleans, from leaving on Sat. morning until our night in the French Quarter the following Thursday, I believe I hadn't up to that point said one thing to Ben. Not out of spite or any ill will, but just because the opportunity had never arisen. So as we were walking back toward our vehicles, he was reasonably close by and the opportunity presented itself, so I told him so. I wasn't ignoring him, it just happened that way, oddly enough. He understood, and we chatted for a couple minutes and then that was all.
Since then we've been in somewhat close proximity, going to the same church, knowing some of the same people, but again, no conversations. No chance meetings, nothing really of the sort. Until this weekend.
We were both (along with several other people) helping Christine move, and while enjoying Jodi's tacos (with the corn tortillas that wouldn't hold if your life depended on it) I decided to ask Ben what was new with him, since really, we hadn't talked since New Orleans. This may have actually been out second conversation ever. We chit-chatted about life, and work, and how we could understand each others' immense love and gratification from working in the healthcare industry, and also how we've read each others' blogs. We told stories, we laughed, we were amused, and then our conversation faded into others, mostly talking about who was everyone else's opposite.
As I was reflecting later on, this seemed to embody how difficult it is for me to get to know and interact with guys anymore. Ever since I've been married, there always seems to be a subconscious barrier of some sort. I'm totally cool with all the guys I knew before marriage, or any guys that I've gotten to know along with my husband (i.e. in small group, etc) but anyone outside those parameters, especially single guys, it usually results in awkwardness, not really knowing what to say, being unsure about the appropriateness of it all. So complicated! I'm not really upset about it, just kind of chagrined. Maybe that's the way it is and it has to be.
In a way, it's too bad. I like people, which includes guys, and I know there are quality guys like Ben who go to the Rock and are definitely worth knowing. It's too bad that it may only happen in certain situations or only up to a certain point. I'm thankful that I know Ben, I've been impressed with what I've read on his blog about his desires to follow Christ and seek more after God, and also that he's longing for the football season to start as much as I am. But I also know that I have really felt drawn more toward the women at the Rock, to invest in them and spend more time with them, and I know that honors God more than wishing I could know more guys just because they're cool.
So if it's ok with you Ben, I'd like to call you my friend, and maybe we'll have another conversation in another few months, or maybe not. And also if it's ok, I'd like to share one last observation from this weekend, that Ben in some ways looks a little like a young Dennis Miller.
7 comments:
I am honored to be called your friend, and I shall do the same for you. I'm also honored to have a near-entire blog post devoted to our friendship, and I'm equally honored to serve as a metaphor for your interactions with my gender as a whole. And I'd be honored in the future to have another conversation in about two or three months!
That's a lot of honor.
It may not be you, Mrs. R. I had also reflected on the fact that in New Orleans, Ben was one of the people I had pretty much no interaction with. I had known Ben before hand - in fact, he summarily kicked my arse at Scrabble at my house one night after the Rock. But yet, I'm not sure I said a single word to him the entire trip.
So, Ben, what's the deal?
(Please read the humor in that, Ben.)
I'm also a little chagrined about my friendships with males, as you all too well know. After thinking about your husband's comment Friday night, I'm not sure I do have a non-awkward friendship with a guys. Why is that?
Oh - by the by, sorry again about those tortillas. I was trying to go cheap, and those were cheap. And falling apart. And they tasted bad. But I was pleasantly pleased with the salsa!
People at work have noticed that I don't talk much with them either. So this goes beyond New Orleans. I think I just don't start conversations. I'll continue them just fine, but I never get them started. Strange? Maybe.
Having known Ben for...nearly 10 years now, I can honestly say: "I don't get it."
I can't seem to SHAKE him!
jk, ben, jk.
Ben, that might be the cause of our troubles. It takes me great effort to start a conversation with someone I'm not comfortable aquainted with, or someone that I need to talk to for some reason...you don't really fit into either of those categories at this point. And wow, you are very honored, I'm glad I could do that for you =)
J - we might have to look into this deeper, why you have no un-awkward friendships with guys, or if it's even true! And yes, that salsa was quite surprisingly good! I remarked the same to Anna Leisa, she'll back me up!
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