living vicariously

i am surrounded by pregnant women. Not literally all the time, but I can list at least a dozen women who have either had babies within the last 8-12 months or are currently pregnant and due within the next 5 days to 6 months. Most are first time moms, but some are on their second or even 3rd child. I'll admit that I've had my moments of struggle with wanting to be pregnant and experience that part of life for myself - even tho those moments are generally followed by moments of revelation of why it's good that I'm not pregnant!

But I have tried to learn all that I can about pregnancy; taking care of myself, how to prepare, and what happens when the baby actually comes so that I'm not taken too much by surprise. I am absolutely convinced that my expectations won't even come close to reality, but if I at least know what to look out for and work towards in order to be ready, I think it will help things go more smoothly, if only mentally for me.

Now, being a woman, and friends with lots of women, we tend to like talking. There have been plenty of conversations about pregnancy and the changes in your body and life in general. There has been lots of contemplation of the awesome power of God and his creativity in deciding to bring new life into the world in this way. We've discussed the sometimes daunting responsibility to mold another's life into one that glorifies and seeks after God. All manner of things from biology to psychology and so many things in between have been on the table. It's pretty cool. It moves everything from being about picking names and decorating nurseries and cute little baby things to what really matters -everything that happens once the baby comes home from the hospital!

It's been easiest to parallel pregnancy and babies to engagement and marriage, mostly just because that's what I (and all my 1st time expectant mother friends) know. You make all the plans within a specific timeframe, every retail establishment tries to get you to buy things that you may or may not need, and it seems that you can charge 30-50% more just becauseit's for a pregnant mom (or bride-to-be) and it's so darn cute. And there are a MILLION options, it's easy to get caught up in the planning and preparing, it all becomes about the one day - the birth. (or the wedding). You set your expectations - the nursery needs to look like this, I'd like to have that type of delivery and handle things this way when we get home, and dress the baby in this type of clothing. There are horror stories, and yet you're infinitely optimistic that it won't happen to you! Emergencyc-sections and getting up every 3 hours are inconceivable issues, so you don't really think about it much, sort of like the idea that the best man wouldn't show up at the church or the pianist didn't practice any of the music at all - it couldn't possibly happen!

Both marriages and babies have their romanticized ideals and it's easy to fall into certain patterns of thinking "it'll happen this way, I just know it" or "I'll just be devastated of this happens", when in reality, it's not so much what happens as how you respond to it. It could be awful to go thru hours of labor only to be told that you need a c-section, or it could be a relief to know that the doctor has determined that this would be a safer course of action for you and the baby. It could be crushing to find out that your baby is born with a severe disability, or it could be an opportunity to praise God for an otherwise healthy child and trust him that he will help you through this more difficult path in life. I know in marriage I have come across really difficult situations or issues with my own character and behavior patterns and have found myself with no other viable course of action than trusting that regardless of what things actually look like, God is working and if I can relate to him rightly, he will get me through it with joy and strength. I have to believe that something better is waiting on the other side of it all, even though at that moment it seems the least likely thing on earth. If I don't do that, my other option involves crashing and burning, lots of frustration and disappointment, and likely either a hellish marriage or none at all, given enough time. This makes the decision a little clearer and easier to make.

In looking at these life changing events thru the "lens" of focusing on God only and not circumstances, it's easy to see how the temporal loses its power to cause anxiety in the light of God's sovereignty and power. It's easy to see how Paul could be content in any circumstance, even when he was beaten and in jail, facing execution. It's because he truly could do all things thru Christ's strength in his life. I would be able to stand strong through anything if I could only remember that it's God standing in me that makes it possible; I'd never be able to do it alone. These are things that I have known and would be able to tell someone are keys to a successful life following after God, but I've never really been in a situation where I had to believe and act on it until now. Better late than never, I guess!