garbage!

I've been "about" to post several times, but haven't followed through. Much of my days lately have been filled with frustrations at work, several parts of it, and my inclination has been to complain. For sympathy, for catharsis, whatever, I've wanted to be crabby and let everyone know about it. I know that's utterly wrong of course, which has kept me from posting my complaints more publicly.

That isn't, of course, to say that I haven't voiced such things privately. There are a few people who know in great detail what my issues are. I can even say that one of them is God. We've had lots of talks, and I think it's been helpful. Right when things started getting really bad a few weeks back (when I started actually and truly taking steps to look for something new) my God time took quite a dive. I wasn't reading my Bible or spending time with Him regularly, and what time I was spending has not felt very productive or inspirational. There really hasn't been a specific moment of clarity or epiphany, but things are slowly getting better. I've picked up a couple devotionals and have been trying to just be faithful in those little things. Oswald kicks my butt regularly, so that's good too. Just the yesterday it was:

The only thing that will enable me to enjoy the disagreeable is the keen enthusiasm of letting the life of the Son of God manifest itself in me. No matter how disagreeable a thing may be, say - "Lord, I am delighted to obey Thee in this matter," and instantly the Son of God will press to the front, and there will be manifested in my human life that which glorifies Jesus.

Yeah. Try saying that when you want to pull your hair out multiple times in 8 hours. But it actually worked a little today, when I remembered it. I had more peace and hopefully a better attitude and perspective than I've had in days. I'm so thankful that God doesn't abandon us to our doubts and despair but helps us to get through new and painful situations. Doesn't mean I'm not still looking for a new job tho, so if anyone has ideas....