sincerity

I was driving to work yesterday morning, and found myself caught behind a Nissan Murano in the far left lane (the "fast" lane, if you will) with LOTS and LOTS of wide open space in front of it. This would be the epitome of a pet peeve for me.

I've been struggling lately in general with my words, thoughts, and attitudes while driving. One of the hardest things about my new job is that because of the hours I work, I'm on the road longer in my commute, even though I'm actually a little closer to home. I don't like it, but it's not likely to change anytime soon. I also don't like the idea of saying anything rude, even mildly so, in front of my neice and nephew as we're going home on Fridays (in the middle of rush hour traffic, pretty much always in a hurry because of the time crunch to get dinner and leave for the Rock), the thought that I will one day have kids of my own in the backseat has also crossed my mind a time or two, and so I might as well work on it now, right?

So as I muttered some snarky comment at the aforementioned Murano, I immediately repented and asked God for help - why do I always find myself saying these things? Such a minor inconveniece - we were even going a little over the speed limit, but it just wasn't good enough. And I thought of something.

I've worked on my sense of humor, specifically sarcasm, for years now. It was one of the things in high school that helped me come out of my shell and actually make friends and meet new people. You might not guess it, but I was pretty painfully shy back then. Sarcasm has also been pretty well used in my family, at least around my mom, and by extension my siblings. So it's a pretty standard form of communication. I have found it helpful in breaking the ice, in livening up conversations, in making my friends laugh, or just amusing myself (not everyone thinks I'm so funny all the time).

But what if that's the problem? I've practiced it so much that a lot of times it's what pops into my head first when thinking of comments. There have been a few inappropriate times when all I could think about was something snarky or slightly mean to say. As I learn more about being a godly woman and think more about having kids one day, I find myself really wanting to be kind and sincere in what I say. There's part of me that sees that as boring and maybe a little cheesy, but how many verses are there about your words and what you should and shouldn't say, and how what's in your heart comes out your mouth? I've been working on my list of things that I intend to be intentional about this year, and I think I may have to look over it again to make sure this is on it too.