identity

looking through some of my old drafts of posts that didn't quite get finished, this was one from last summer that I really liked, so I just decided to finish it and post it, so that's why I'm talking about being pregnant - it's not an update, it's just really old news...my new thoughts are Bolded, like this right here.

we were at housechurch last night, and there was a really good verse shared with regard to communion, Phillipians 3:4-11 -

4 Yet I could have confidence in myself if anyone could. If others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more! 5 For I was circumcised when I was eight days old, having been born into a pure-blooded Jewish family that is a branch of the tribe of Benjamin. So I am a real Jew if there ever was one! What's more, I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. 6 And zealous? Yes, in fact, I harshly persecuted the church. And I obeyed the Jewish law so carefully that I was never accused of any fault. 7 I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 As a result, I can really know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I can learn what it means to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that, somehow, I can experience the resurrection from the dead!

The challenge was given to lay down whatever type of identity or reasoning we have to be proud of ourselves or assured of salvation outside of Jesus, to be identified only with Christ. It made me think of how I've been identifying myself lately.

The obvious answer is as a pregnant woman, a mother to-be. I've found that the title brings with it a certain stature, almost an innate right to certain things. I'm carrying a child, therefore I should be pampered, I shouldn't be allowed to carry heavy things, to exert myself too much. I shouldn't be expected to do the same things I used to before being pregnant. There are some who have treated me as if I were made of glass, or similarly very fragile.

While yes, there are certain aspects of pregnancy that require additional care in how one handles oneself, in a lot of ways, I'm just as capable and just as able to do most of what I could before. It used to bother me that Seth wouldn't let me shovel the snow. Then I tried it, just once. And I think there's a part of me that really needs to be careful about the sleep I'm getting or the food I'm eating, but I have also noticed that I'm sort of buying into the entitlement of pregnancy in some ways, too. I've seen in certain areas where I've used it to not try as hard get things done, or to maybe beg off of things I wasn't crazy about doing, even when I probably could have. As much as I joke with friends and my husband about using the baby as an excuse to do or not do certain things, I really didn't actually want to use pregnancy as an excuse to get out of anything, ministry or otherwise...and yet it's happened, here and there. And it doesn't make me very proud to see it or admit it.

Being a mother has a certain status and expectation that comes with it, especially at the Rock. By no means am I trying to belittle that status or the importance of the role. I really believe that to an extent mothers (especially the new ones) probably need more grace and support than many other groups of people might need. I'm finding that out pretty much daily for myself. But I don't want to go around expecting that people will do things for me, will serve me, will care for me. It's such a blessing when they do, and there's something that sours in me when I somehow think that I deserve it, or can't believe it took someone so long to notice I needed help, or some equally as silly thought.

I also currently would say I identify myself mostly with being a wife. That carries with it a burden (sometimes heavy, sometimes light) of many responsibilities and duties. It's easy to get dragged down and defeated as a wife (I'm sure it's easy as a husband, too). My shortcomings are obvious to see, and triumphs, especially the small ones that are difficult to obtain but mean the most, often go unnoticed.

This particular group of verses used to give me the chills when I first really looked at it back in college. The idea of throwing everything aside to know only Jesus and to truly experience his life and power in my own is an amazing one, awe inspiring, and not a little bit scary. I really don't have much to add to that, it's kind of as much as I can take in, in this regard. But I still want it. And I think I have opportunities every day to experience this, it's just a matter of being aware and taking advantage. Some things are easy - sharing a beloved treat with a small child or slowing down to make sure that some important information is accurately passed on to small ears. Some things are harder - trying to be compassionate and see from the point of view of someone who happens to be hurting you at the moment, for instance, but all of it brings breaths of Jesus' life into mine. Putting my rights and preferences aside to take on His burden, the one to love God and love people, and that's all.