insecure

I've worked long and hard, especially through my college years and after, to find a place where I can be secure with who I am, who God made me to be, and in his love and view of me. I found that place at one point. I was content with my self-image and personality...
and it's all slowly unraveling.
I don't know what it is about married life that is doing it to me. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe it's the devil attacking my thoughts, maybe I'm just getting paranoid. There are situations that come up, that end up making me feel very uncomfortable, like things aren't resolved. We used to take little things like that and blow them into 45 minute discussions/arguments where the final result was that we think and communicate differently, and we'll try harder next time. The last few opportunities for this, we've not had those conversations. Some might think it's a sign of maturity, but apparently I like to think that it's a sign that things are getting stuffed under the rug and if we don't talk about it, it's going to fester and blow up in our faces one day. I find myself waking up thinking that Seth is mad at me for something from the night before, and then I allow myself to interpret his behavior and speech toward me to back up that thought, then I get paranoid and hyper-sensitive, and I hate that! I want to do the ultragirly thing and ask him a million times if everything's ok, if he's mad or frustrated or upset at me. Thankfully I know better, I know that will drive us both up a wall, but it still leaves me with an unsettled feeling. And I really don't like knowing that there's a good chance that when I come home from the Rock tonight, he'll be in bed asleep, and I won't see him for a good part of Saturday or Sunday. Fantastic. The weekend is now shot to hell.
I guess this is just one of those learning moments where I get to suck up my insecurities, and go back to where I know I am secure. My husband loves me, he married me and he's not going anywhere. Even if he's upset, one weekend of not being able to talk about it is not going to ruin everything. God is going to take care of us no matter what, there's just that trust thing that I don't always do very well. I'm probably blowing the whole thing out of proportion in my head anyway, and I need to stop that. ok, I'll just repeat that 50 times, and maybe I'll feel better.