drowned out

It's quite possibly the most frustrating thing about me - that I tend to let God's voice in my head (call it conscience, call it the Holy Spirit, common sense, whatever) get drowned out by how much I want to do my thing or please myself. I am quite possibly the most selfish person I know, especially when it comes to my marriage. I mean really. I know a million different ways to bless my husband, but will I? Eh, he won't notice, or appreciate what I do. He doesn't do things like this for me. It'll take too much effort, I want to go to bed a little early (like it ever happens anyway), I just don't wanna. And then when it turns into confrontation, I've got a perfectly good justification for what I did, or what I said, even if it's mixed in with an apology. And then, when things are done, and I'm replaying them in my head ( I guess women tend to do that) it occurs to me the real root of why I did whatever it was, and why I said what I did to cover my tracks. Because it would seem, at least in those instances, that I am more selfish than godly. It's obvious to me that I'm not renewing my mind as Christ would have me to do.
C.S. Lewis makes a point in Mere Christianity, basically that the more godly you are, the more you will think of others before yourself, or even better, you'll forget about yourself at all...
That's all I have to say about that, I guess.