i get it

we were sitting with some other small group members for a time of prayer yesterday, and started by sharing prayer requests. One of the girls shared about her sister's health and how it continues to be unchanged, except for periods of getting worse. It's been that way for awhile now, and it's always been difficult and sad to hear about it - I don't know her sister, but I've met her a couple times, and she's always been so full of life and vibrant, it's hard to think of her any other way - but there's always been sort of a disconnect, I guess because I don't know her personally.

Yesterday, while my friend was praying for her sister, truly crying out to God with her hopes and her worries and fears, it occurred to me - what if I were in her shoes?

What if it was Rachael who was sick, and not Jessica? Instantly, there was connection. I love my sister so very very much that if anything at all like that were to happen to her, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would be concerned about her every day, at my wit's end of how to help and love and hope and encourage her and the rest of my family. It brought me to tears to think that this is how she has been feeling for months upon months, with no end in sight and only the faintest glimmer of hope on the horizon.

This is why I want to simplify my life, so I can actually think about and recognize what is truly important. It's not that I wasn't praying for her and her family before, but it was always so nice and neat, little pre-packaged prayers of just the right things to say. Now I don't really know what to say, and it's bound not to be neat, but it will be more real than before. I don't know if that makes it mean more than it did, but I guess I'd like to think it counts for something. At least it makes a difference on my end.