relating

my brother and his wife were in town over the weekend, and it was wonderful to see them again, it's been just over a year since we went to Connecticut to visit them. We went to lunch yesterday before they had to catch their plane home, and ended up talking about kids. Of course the conversation migrated toward how many were being planned and my brother said with all confidence that they were going to have 2 - boy first, then a girl, and that's all.

To which I asked in some amusement if he was going to let God have a say in it. And he told me that's what he and his wife were believing for and so that's the way it was going to be. And so I questioned him about God's sovereignty in the situation, which he claimed was completely intact. "So God's sovereign, but he's going to go according to what you've planned out, then?" was my next question, knowing that we were treading thin ice.

So then my brother, who graduated from a charismatic bible school, proceeds to tell me that since we were created in God's image and God is a creative being, that he allows us to be creative and make those decisions, by faith, knowing that he'll honor them. (it's a paraphrase). I asked what if it didn't happen that way and he's just not allowing for other options. My mom and dad decided they wanted 4 kids - boy, girl, boy, girl, and that's how it happened, so it'll happen to them too. I stopped there, because my mom was there, and I knew I'd be outnumbered 3 to 1, and we were in public, and overall, because it's not worth fighting over with my little brother. If he and his wife get exactly what they want in children, then great.

I've known since I graduated from (charismatic christian) college and came home that there are certain things I can't discuss at length with my family anymore. We don't see eye to eye on things like the use of spiritual gifts or suffering in a Christian's life, or apparently on how to plan out the kids you'd like to have. I guess I've just gotten away from the idea that you can take what the Bible says and turn it into a license to have the good life. Feeling a little ill? Just lay hands on yourself, of have a brother or sister do it for you. A little short on cash? Just believe and receive; give a gift, and you'll get one in return. Having troubles? Well, you just believe God because Jesus came to give you abundant life.

Sure, I used to buy into it. But then I guess I realized that I should maybe give God a little more room to work in my life. Great growth has come because of the pain that I've endured, but not because I prayed my way out of it, but because I've walked through it all. God has supplied all of our needs to date, sometimes in ways I can't explain, but I'm not looking for him to pay off our mortgage tomorrow (though if he did it I wouldn't complain!). I still have physical ailments that I've dealt with since childhood and I don't know how many times I've prayed and had hands laid on me, and cried and believed. But they're still here. Maybe it makes me a little more cautious or compassionate, or maybe there's another reason for it that I don't yet know, but I'm fine with that. I don't want to figure out how many kids we should have, or what sex they should be. We've said 2 kids, but I wouldn't complain if that number grew (of course I'm at 0 kids now, who knows what it'll actually be like) and I'll admit to thinking that boys would be easier to raise than girls, but that's the kind of thinking that will stick me with nothing but ultra-girly daughters, full of drama to help me grow in areas that I'm not so strong in...

It just kinda bothers me to think that my family and me seem to believe in different Gods. It makes things a little more tense for family gatherings, usually on my side. If I choose to question what someone is saying, it's them all against me, and there's no convincing anyone differently. They've got it all in their heads so tightly, I don't know what it would take to dislodge it. It's just easier to leave them be. They're involved in their respective churches, with serving and youth groups and all sorts of other things. They're generous of heart, at least that I've seen towards other Christians. I can't fault them for anything overtly unbiblical, so I'd rather keep peace. It just makes me sad, and a little angry too, to think that they're treating God like some genie, someone to give them what they want, not someone to receive from thankfully, because everything he gives is good, not just when it's in the form of what they've asked for.