there was at one point in the last couple weeks, the very remotest possibility that i might be pregnant. It would have involved perfect timing and a bit divine intervention, but it was there. at least a little.
As I contemplated this possibility, it was more exciting than scary, but I think that I wasn't thinking about it very deeply, just "oh, then I'd have a baby!" girly thoughts. The more I thought about it, the more I was really convinced that I wasn't pregnant, and I was a more relieved. On one hand, it would be something where Seth and I would have to trust God incredibly because we haven't quite gotten the financial aspect of everything nailed down that would allow for me to stay home, but that's not all bad. I also thought of the enormous change that having a baby is in general in all areas, how my 2 close friends that are currently pregnant are handling it, and about how I would handle things.
I've decided that I'm just not quite ready yet. I know you're never really ready, but I'm not even ready to admit that but go forward anyway. If the time comes and I'm still not ready, I'll probably be able to fake it. Or have all my breakdowns at home so only my husband knows...
even so, I was still a little disappointed when the obvious proof of my non-pregnant status was made evident this morning...
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