I can't process this

I've gotten into the habit of listening to MPR at work. Most days it's fairly interesting, and if nothing else it's even toned talking with no commercials that's easy to tune out when needed. This week they have spent a lot of time talking about what happened Monday at Virginia Tech. Between that, and multiple e-mails related to sister churches and old friends, the news reports and blog postings, it just is all too much.

I know that during my lifetime I've seen a lot of awful, terrible things befall innocent people. I remember watching the Challenger explode in elementary school. There was also the Oklahoma City Bombing, the Columbine High School shooting, and of course 9/11, to hit the "high notes". Outside of 9/11 and being frozen numb in front of the tv for 2 whole days in absolute shock, this has been the hardest thing for me to comprehend. It's not like I knew anyone at the school, it's not like I just graduated myself and can imagine vividly what it might be like. It's definitely not like death is something that I fear or can't bear to think about, but it was just such a grotesquely disgusting act, how could someone actually conceive of it?

Words have failed me trying to explain what I'm thinking or feeling about all this. I don't want to think about it, it's like my mind locks up and I can't get it moving. We were praying last night at our leader's meeting and I could barely spit out 3 sentences to ask for God to move there. It just doesn't seem real, like it can't possibly be true. But how could I be in denial over something I'm not personally connected to? That's the part that I'm not getting.

I don't know. I'm not sure this makes any sense at all, sorry it's kind of scattered.