Monday, July 07, 2008

bathroom prayers

Today is day 28.

I haven't started my period. I haven't taken a pregnancy test.

I drink, on average, about 80oz of water during the work day. This means I go to the bathroom a lot. Each time I've gone today has tended to grip my heart just a little bit with the possibility of bad news. I feel anxious, but I don't. But I kind of do. I'm steeling myself against any bad news, understanding fully that it will hurt a lot if and when it comes, no matter what. So my only recourse at this point has been to pray. Every time I go to the bathroom. Every time. Nothing huge, just trying to remind myself to be thankful, that I gave this situation to God and He promised that His peace will guard my heart and mind if I just ask God for what I need and thank Him for all that He has given me.

I actually started praying last night, just in case it came early. I was actually thinking of taking a test when I got home today, but we're bringing dinner to Dirk and Kat and Nora tonight, so me being a wreck might not make for a fun time, just in case. I want to know, to get it over with, but I don't want to take a test tomorrow morning and then carry a negative result in to work, so maybe tomorrow after work. Maybe. I also have to get up the guts in general to even take the dumb thing.

I guess maybe I should focus on the positives here. If I'm not pregnant, you'd better believe I'm drinking a beer sometime soon (a good beer!). Also, if I not pregnant, then I can go to Valleyfair this summer and ride the rides. I love me some rollercoasters. I will not need to worry about being able to play ultimate or tugging up the bushes in my yard (at least for a couple more weeks). And I can also have coffee. Mmmm, coffee. This does give a little perspective.

Anyway, that's all I got. I have to go to the bathroom now...

4 comments:

Sarah said...

I really hope it's good news!
Been thinking alot about you.

tex said...

Remember, pee-tests are most sensitive first thing in the morning.

Anonymous said...

I keep checking up on you ... and praying. God's will be done!!!

Anonymous said...

I read your blog, I SWEAR! I'm just way behind...I must've sounded so insensitive when we talked about this yesterday and I had no idea...

I love you and even though I want to go Valleyfair with you and ride rides, I promise I won't root for it :)